One month. Have you ever felt that time goes so fast and so slow at the same time? The days pass on pretty slow because I am tracking every hour. Has he eaten? When was the last time he pooped? But then somehow it’s a new week!
This past month has been like nothing I have ever experienced. I have gotten less sleep, drunken more water, changed more diapers, washed more clothes then I have in my entire life and yet I couldn’t be happier. There are a lot of things that I wish I could say has happened this past month, like I have gained an incredible amount of patience or that I can change a diaper fast enough before he decides to pee again. But I can’t. What I have experienced is what I consider the purest form of love.
I had a friend ask me right after Oliver was born, “How has your perspective changed since becoming a parent?” At the time I didn’t really know how to answer. You see my brain has basically stopped working since becoming sleep deprived :). I have been thinking a lot about that question and a lot about my Heavenly Father. The main theme that my thoughts have taken is that of sacrifice.
Before having Oliver, I thought of sacrifice as giving something up for someone or something. I still believe that is true but sacrifice has become something so much more now that all those acts of service are for someone who literally can not do those things for themselves. A baby is so helpless. They can’t even really give anything back in return. That is unless you count a big burp or full diaper as payment. I also realize now what it means to sacrifice all that you have for another person. Your time, energy, sleep, finances, even your body.
I always knew that having children and forming a family was part of God’s plan which is why Kyle and I didn’t waste anytime starting ours. Now I have a totally different perspective of why God asks that of us. God wants us to become like him. To learn how to serve and love, and to have patience and humility. He wants us to trust in Him and rely on Him. He wants us to learn and grow. And to sacrifice. I seriously can’t think of a faster way to achieve that then becoming a parent.
Even with all we give up and sacrifice somehow we end up with so much more. I guess I shouldn’t be surprised by that because that is how God works. Even though my body will never be the same and I probably will never sleep again or stop worrying, I wouldn’t have it any other way.
Kyle always talks about experiencing emotion in increments. The more love or sorrow that we experience the more you can experience in the future. I totally believe that. I love my husband and my son more everyday.
So it has been one month of motherhood and I would say it is going pretty well, all things considered.